v. the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having higher or more pressing claim.
To say you make sacrifices as a mother sounds endearing. It sounds admirable. And it is.
If we are holding true to definition when discussing the sacrifice of motherhood, it means "to surrender something prized (your independence and self) for the sake of something considered as having a higher claim (your children).
Every mother makes sacrifices. If you are not making sacrifices as a mother, you are most likely doing something wrong.
But at what point are you sacrificing too much?
At what point do you begin losing yourself?
Not too long ago, I began feeling as if I had lost myself. I had no career. I had no free-time. I had no opportunity to think about the things that I wanted in my life, or the dreams I had. I existed only as somebody's mother. I am not even sure that I counted as a wife.
Chasing dreams is impossible while chasing children.
Pondering my future is never penciled into the daily schedule between soccer practice and piano, so it never fits in. It gets pushed aside for another day. Or the day after that. Or after that.
So, would I ever stop sacrificing myself for my children? Not in a million years.
But lately, instead of looking down upon the mothers who hire a babysitter for the night out, I envy them. Rather than judging mothers with careers outside the home, I admire them. They know that they are an individual that is separate from their children. They have a title other than "mom." They enjoy car rides of silence and lunches that are eaten without having to spoon feed someone else synonymously. Their schedules do not include only activities intended for tiny human beings. They do not speak in baby-languages all day long, and find themselves saying "boom," and "oopsey daisy" far too much. They are not just the diaper changer, of the chauffer.
I spend everyday of my life wondering how I can make my kid's dreams come true; how to make sure that they are happy, healthy, satisfied, and enjoying their life-- all the while, forgetting mine.
I'd like to think that is why I started my blog. To get back to who I am. To put words on paper with meaning. To connect my passion as a writer with my love of being a mom. Moreover, connecting myself as an individual with myself as a mother.
So I wrote down some ways to remember me. Hopefully they also help you.
1. Don't forget to dream. Dream big. They may not all come true. It may take you 20 years to write your book- but start. Write down the first word. Be in progress. Do not allow having children to hinder your dreams. They may take longer to reach, but we all know that slow and steady wins the race.
2. Pencil you in. Whether you write in, "spa," or just "mom time" on the calendar. Put it down on paper. Have a check box beside it, and hold yourself to it. Give yourself time on a weekly basis to exist as an individual.
3. Explore yourself. Being a mother opens up new doors everyday. Keep your eyes up and heart open while you explore new outlets and means of inspiration. Try gardening. Start a blog. Paint. You can involve your children as you search for new passions. Start inspiring yourself right now. Who knows, maybe you will inspire your children as well.
4. Live in the moment. Stay present. Never allow your life as a mom to become monotonous. Be spontaneous always. The world is out there, be apart of it. Take your children by the hand and lean into it.
5. Don't be a slouch. Put your face on. Remember your skinny jeans. Look your best and you will feel your best. When you feel good, you are more likely to take the world by the balls (yupp, I just said that). Face the world with your best foot forward always.
6. Your children do not have higher claim. You matter too. You are also someone's child. You have dreams. You are a separate entity. You cannot make your children happy if you are not happy yourself. Don't forget to remember you.