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This is the second part of a series on Raising a Strong Willed Child.
Please also see:
Raising a Strong Willed Child: 5 Tips.
It's one thing to have a strong willed child, but it's another thing totry attempt to discipline them. My daughter is a spunky little thing. She thinks time-outs are fun, yelling is hilarious, and making Mommy frustrated is just about as good as it gets.
Most days I want to throw in the towel. I fight. I sweat. I go into the ring swinging each morning, but I come out like a frazzled mess each night. It ain't easy. The girl can fight. But for some reason, when she is finally asleep, I kiss her head softly and know that she is worth the fight again tomorrow, whether it kills me or not.
My spunky little girl is worth it.
Here are the best ways that I have found to discipline her:
1. Find out why. Why are they acting out? What is the underlying reason? Talk through it. Help them to express their fears...their concerns...their frustrations. Strong willed children are also the most sensitive. They need to know that they have someone who has their back, unconditionally.
2. Look them in the eye. Let them know that you are there with them. Give them 100%. Sometimes, just giving them your attention, is enough.
3. Do not embarrass them. Strong willed children are sensitive. They react quickly and can become overwhelmed often. If you embarrass them, or call them out on their poor behavior loudly and in front of others, they will most likely continue to act out in frustration or pain. Pull them aside, and discuss the issue calmly. From there, you may choose to let them know that if they act out again, you will not be as considerate. You need to be compassionate without being a pushover, and you need to demand control without using force. It's a fine line- walk it.
4. Remove them from the situation. Sometimes, it will be necessary to physically remove your child from the situation. If your child is over-stimulated, throwing a tantrum in public, or causing a scene with their poor behavior, the best thing may be to remove them from the situation entirely.
5. Find out what will work. Time-outs? Taking away the Wii? No desert? You need to make sure that they have a negative repercussion for poor behavior or something of importance at-risk in order to ensure that they do not want to suffer the consequences.
6. Say it, and mean it. If you threaten to take away desert and the behavior continues, take away desert. Mean it. No refunds. Do not threaten and not follow through, it teaches them that future threats do not have to be taken seriously. If you say that they will get a time-out for acting out, give them a time-out when they do. Float like a feather, sting like a bee.
This is the second part of a series on Raising a Strong Willed Child.
Please also see:
Raising a Strong Willed Child: 5 Tips.
It's one thing to have a strong willed child, but it's another thing to
Most days I want to throw in the towel. I fight. I sweat. I go into the ring swinging each morning, but I come out like a frazzled mess each night. It ain't easy. The girl can fight. But for some reason, when she is finally asleep, I kiss her head softly and know that she is worth the fight again tomorrow, whether it kills me or not.
My spunky little girl is worth it.
Here are the best ways that I have found to discipline her:
1. Find out why. Why are they acting out? What is the underlying reason? Talk through it. Help them to express their fears...their concerns...their frustrations. Strong willed children are also the most sensitive. They need to know that they have someone who has their back, unconditionally.
2. Look them in the eye. Let them know that you are there with them. Give them 100%. Sometimes, just giving them your attention, is enough.
6. Say it, and mean it. If you threaten to take away desert and the behavior continues, take away desert. Mean it. No refunds. Do not threaten and not follow through, it teaches them that future threats do not have to be taken seriously. If you say that they will get a time-out for acting out, give them a time-out when they do. Float like a feather, sting like a bee.
7. Find your inner peace. Go to your happy-place when they start acting out. Imagine the taste of a delicious mocha latte, a spa day without children, or your toes in the sand, whatever it is- find your zen. If you raise your voice and become unsettled, it will only up their bad mood.Tap your ruby reds, "there's no place like home, there's no place like home."
At the end of the day our strong willed children are the fighters.
They are the achievers.
They are the dreamers.
They are the leaders.
They will fight us.
They will break us.
But we will never stop fighting.
Because the truth is:
they are worth it.
thank you thank you thank you for this post... it came at the right moment.. the end of what was a very trying day with my 5 yr old daughter..gives me the strength to go back in the ring tomorrow.. but so worth it is true.
ReplyDeleteGreat words of wisdom!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Not only for the discipline tips, but also for the reminder that my son is strong AND sensitive, and has the potential to change the world! He is worth every ounce of effort!!!
ReplyDeleteLove this. I love that there is strategy for discipline that does not attempt to crush their strong spirits into a quiet mold. Because you're absolutely right: they're the dreamers and the leaders.
ReplyDelete