24 Rules for Mothers of Sons.

As many of you know, I have published two sets of rules prior to this-- one for mothers and one for fathers. Both of these posts have been my two most visited and commented. So, after receiving many emails asking me to write one for mothers of sons, I decided it was finally time...

If you have not already read them, please check them out:
Rules for Mothers of Daughters.
Rules for Fathers of Sons.

I have been wanting to write these next set of rules for so long now. My boys are my world. I always knew I'd be the mother of boys. I was certain of it....like it was my destiny. Now, it just feels normal. It feels real. It feels...perfect.

1. Teach him to love whole heartedly. He needs to know that he can love outloud and with passion. He needs to know that he does not have to hide his feelings because he is a "man." Real men are confident enough in themselves to express their emotions and wear the color pink. Real men do not have boundaries. Real men love with courage and stand with pride -- unconditionally. 

2. Let him be free. He may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or he may want to to hop on a motorcycle. He may be a homebody or a world traveler. Let him make decisions that scare you and rebel against the rules. Let him explore the person he wants to become. Give him enough freedom to make his own mistakes and enough trust that he confides in you when he does.

3. Let him comfort you. Never hide your emotions from him. Cry out loud and in front of him. Show him the spectrum of human emotions. Let him hold you while you sob and find words of comfort --even if it hurts his little heart. He needs to learn to appreciate all the good in the world, and yet understand all the bad.

4. Be present. Be there for him at his Kindergarten performances, his class parties, his baseball games…his everyday-little-moments. When he looks through the crowds of people, he will be looking for your smile and pride. Show it to him as often as possible.

 

5. Sit with him in silence. Teach him to be the strong and silent type. He does not have to chit chat or gossip. Words should be thought through and spoken with meaning, if at all. Teach him to choose words that add truth and meaning to the world; but more importantly, that silence is sometimes louder.

6. Talk about sex. He needs to hear it from a woman's perspective. He will have plenty of inappropriate conversations about girls and sex. He will hear people speak of women with disrespect and shame. He will be present amongst guys who talk trash and treat women like sex objects. He needs to remember your words. He needs to know that sex is more than dirty talk and hot bodies. You are not just raising a boy, you are raising a man. Make him a good one.

7. Back him up. Let him know that he does not have to face the world alone. He may grow up to be bigger than you. He may be taller. He may have bigger muscles and stronger shoulders. But you will always be his Mommy. He will always need you. Make sure he knows that.

8. Cheer him on. Be the loudest voice in the stands, be the proudest mom on the block. Wear his game shirt, snag the front seat at his concert, and kiss him on the cheek after every single accomplishment. Be there with your high pitched voice and high-fives. He may be embarrassed, and he may even tell you to stop...but deep down --way down-- he appreciates your support. He'll thank you one day.

9. Hold his hand. Whether he is 3 years-old in the parking lot or sixteen years old in the mall, hold on to him always- this will teach him to be confident in himself and proud of his family. 

 

10. Baby him. Sometimes boys just need to cry without judgment. Sometimes boys can no longer pretend to be tough. Sometimes they want to sob, and they meed their Mommy. You are the only women in the world who will not judge them- they know that. They need that. When the days are hard and the playground was rough, they need a minute (or ten) to just let it out. Let him cry without reserve. And for goodness sake, never, ever tell him crying is for babies. Crying is for those who need it, and trust me, he will need it. 

11. Read him bedtime stories.  Read him Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle. But also remember the power of J.D Salinger and Robert Frost. Read him everything, from nursery rhymes to poetry to classic literature. Show him the beauty of words on a page and let him see you enjoy them. Words can be simply written and simply spoken, yet can harvest so much meaning. Help him to find their meaning.

12. Encourage him to dance and sing. Dance and sing with him- even if it sounds or looks horrible.  Let him wiggle to nursery rhymes, and rock out to the Rolling Stones in the living room. Heck, grab some instruments of strum the air guitar. Just be present. Teach him to let music soothe his soul and pump through his veins. The world is better with background music.

 

13. Make him chicken noodle soup. Whenever he is sick, pamper him. Set him up on the couch with tissues and ginger ale. Spoon feed him medicine and tuck his toes in tight beneath the covers. Rub his back and kiss his forehead. He will never remember how horrible he felt, but he will always remember your comfort.

14. Teach him manners. Because sometimes you have to be his mother, not just his friend. The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.

15. Make forts with boxes and blankets. Help him to find magic in the ordinary, to imagine, to create and to believe. He should learn to dream big and find joy in the mundane.

16. Turn over logs with him. Explore the world at his side. See the world with his eyes. Let him get dirty and make mud pies. Let him discover bugs and build tree-forts. Supply the magnify glasses, buckets and hammers. But more importantly, supply the encouragement and the wipes. It's going to be a messy ride...

17. Let him lose. Sure, no one wants to lose. But everyone does. He needs to learn to dust off his knees, throw his chin to the air and keep swimming. Never tell him that it will be easy, but always promise it will be worth it.

18. Tell him how handsome he is. Whether it is his first day of Kindergarten, immediately after a football game where he is grass-stained and sweaty, or his wedding day. He needs to hear that you love him as is. You love the core of his smile, and what lies behind the eyes. He needs to know that he could be wearing a suit or stains, and you will always think he looks perfect.

19. Believe in him. It is the moments that he does not believe in himself that he will need you to believe enough for both of you. Whether it is a spelling test in the first grade, a big game or recital, a first date, or the first day of college…remind him of the independent and capable man he has become. Remind him that he is capable of greatness.

20. Take him to new places. Because the world is full of possibilities. There is potential lurking around every corner. Let him make the turn.
 

21. Teach him to stand up for what he believes in. Because if he does not stand for something, he will fall for anything. 

22. Teach him to be a gentlemen. He should open doors, hold umbrellas, bring flowers and use manners. He should offer to help others and carry bags and books. Curitousy never gets old, and kindness will never go out of style. Help him to become the very best kind of man: a gentlemen.

23. Give him good male role models- his father being one of them. Surround him with positive men who are considerate and genius. Introduce him to successful men- friends, co-workers, doctors, astronauts, or authors.  Read to him about influential men- Theodore Roosevelt, Robert Frost, Albert Einstein. He needs to know that big things are possible and that men are more than muscles.

24. Come running. Always. When he is sick with a cold or broken heart, come running. When he just won his first championship game, come running. When he is about to propose and needs help picking out a ring, come running. When his wife has just given birth and he walks out of the room, he will search for you --come running. Meet him with open arms and eyes of pride. Life is full of so many moments that pass by too quickly, be there. Run to them. Run to him.  

Always come running. 



{If you want to read more on being a Mother to Boys, check out my series:
Raising a Son.}

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